I’m Awake

Aug 12, 13 • Everyday, RandomnessNo CommentsRead More »
Favorite scene from the movie “500 Days of Summer”

 

I thought…

Happiness has been far away of reach for me these past few months. I never expected that I’d get this far by just falling madly in love with a thought that merely broke my heart completely. I have reconciled with myself overnight, understanding all what ifs of life and what could have been; I found everything to be non-sense. Much has happened lately, too much for me had gone completely absurd. I was out of my mind, I was out of my league, and I was totally unfair with just about everything that concerns me and that person. This is insanity that always worked best, but I just realized today that it should stop somewhere to give way for whatever it is that is surprising…

Have you ever felt a longing for someone? A longing that couldn’t be cured by that person’s mere presence in your everyday life? Unfortunately, I did and I wanted it in my life like a freak wanting to be satisfied by its endeavor. Living life as if you’re in fantasy world, dreaming, wishfully thinking, and thoughtfully wishing that everything that is going around you is real. For the benefit of those who have already watched 500 Days of Summer, there is really a certain point in our lives where we intertwine reality with our expectations; where we blind ourselves of the mere fact that the difference we feel inside are not only of our own but are of the other person concerned as well. We all are dreamers, and it is in our nature to dream or to hope whatever things we want in our lives, but then again, most of us, guilty I am as charged; are so inclined to desperation, to desperate wants of making our lives happy even if it would mean lying to “no-one-but-us” as I may say already. We’ve got no one to blame, it’s normal, it’s innate in us; but then at the end of the day we also pay the consequences.

No one hurts us but us alone.

I admit that I have been so much into you, so much into wanting you be part of my life. You became the reason for my laughter, for my smile, you were my inspiration, and you were everything that meant the world to me; you changed me somehow and I thank you for that. Now that I have arrived to full contemplation, to every bit of realization that what I felt for you was something out of ordinary; I can easily now sort out what has been-s of us. I lived my life in complete expectation that I would get the same amount of what I have given and it was just so wrong of me. You’re all I need and ever wanted, but now I know that it isn’t enough to get me going. I’ve listened to more than enough love songs already that everytime I hear them you’re all that runs on my mind; but now, it is entirely a different story. I’m back to reality again, just woke up from a fantasy that I once wished never ended. I am still crazily inclined to you I must admit, the only thing is, now, I am awake!

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