“abangan kita next year! :))”
that’s my very first tweet to him.
It all began when I felt like I was lonely enough to need someone in my life who will give me my much needed attention. It all began with a simple message which I courageously composed and sent in the hopes that the stranger I so admire would see it and appreciate my concern. It was a tough one; thinking about my pride was enough torture, thinking about how he would react was agonizing, and thinking about how things will go was impossible spelled perfectly for me, but I did it anyway. I thought about the way I smiled when I saw him. I thought about that moment which felt like forever when our eyes met because I was obviously staring at him when he was on his way up the steps pulling off a nice glow in his white clean ironed shirt which fitted him perfectly. He’s one lucky stranger I told myself who got me feeling good at a time when I felt like everyone was worth ignoring. But reality, as bitchy as it pleases to be, has its way to turn things around. When he replied, I knew it was the beginning of a torment that I would soon face with pieces of my broken smile in a handful.
It wasn’t love. I’m sure of it. How can you possibly fall in love with someone whom you haven’t met?
All I needed was 140 characters from him to make my day and he gave me more. Over time, we developed some sense of connection with each other that everything felt comfortable talking about. We conceived our own reality which was built on fractions of data we know and shared with each other. We enjoyed the little and quick talks; all were random happenings in our daily lives and thoughts we like to play around with, but some were also real sensitive that the foundation of our trust rooted from those stories. We contented ourselves from being merely strangers at the beginning until it got uneasy… for me…
The compliments started flowing in. There was a heart that came with every character and in 140 or more of them put together, it completely brought all my defenses down. One of my friends told me that it’s crazy and that it’s unrealistic because we haven’t even met yet and that I don’t know anything about the person more than his name and his recent trip to Europe. Another told me that I am dreaming and that my imagination is so strong that I tend to mix reality with fantasy. And another, the one piece of advice I loved the most simply told me to end it; where it all started.
And so, before I completely shatter to pieces, I decided to tick the button again that made me once the happiest person on the planet. It was tougher than I expected it to be. It required more courage and strength than sending that first hello on a one cold November evening. I can’t say that it caused me unbearable pain because it didn’t at all, but the sadness that enveloped me knowing that something good has just ended is more than enough to cause me to sit in one corner of my room and think a thousand times over if I did the right thing.
It felt like we were friends for a while, but I guess it was only as good as it lasted. There’s no memory of fun, no memory of time spent well together, no memory of crazy nights YOLOing and no memory of each other’s voice at all that blurts out GAGO ULOL PAKYU at times when good friends lose control of the good moments they share. I came to realize that we were but imaginary people to each other. We were never there; in that moment of bliss that made the world seem like a happy perfect place. We talked because we’re bored. We connected because we don’t have any other choice. We shared stories because that’s the only thing to share. And we complimented each other just because we think it’s the proper way of talking to strangers. We were simply being nice to one another and it is not going anywhere.
Unfollow, Unfriend. It took me a second to end everything. It was a quick kill. I certainly have no regrets. I woke up to a one fine Sunday morning. The sun was up and its rays glistened in my room. It warmed up my cozy nook in one corner of the world. I got up, took a bath, and went to church to hear mass. Upon arriving, I saw 2 people shaking hands. I observed them from a distance and figured out that they just met and the smile on their faces is how gladness really looks like when you openly welcome someone new in your life. I still sincerely believe in those kinds of moment and I certainly am sure that all great friendships sprouted from warm handshakes and genuine smiles that no advancement in technology can ever replace.
To that boy next door dude who has larger than life dreams, I’m looking forward to the day we make this a reality! Just Don’t Hung up on the possibility! 🙂