Mornings with Mama

 

 

I was told that she only has a few days left and there’s nothing else that can be done. My world crumbled to pieces; the lights dimmed in the hallway where I was standing and breathing became harder as every second pass. I couldn’t open my mouth, speak a word, or lest, look at the eyes of Dr. Soriano. I wanted to beg her to do everything just so I can spend more years with the only person I have felt an enormous amount of unconditional love. It hurts and it hurts like hell just thinking about her demise. It was unbearable to the point that there was nothing more I ever wanted, but to depart with her together with the gruesome pain that’s killing me inside. I wanted the world to stop, pause for a little and give me more time to accept the harsh reality I am faced with, but not even my tears can change anything. I am losing her soon and to cry is the only comforting thing left for me to do.

 

 

 

My morning alarm went off alerting me in every way that it’s time to get up or I’ll definitely be late for work. I tried to gather all my strength to lift my head up from the soft and comfy sheet that kept me warm throughout the night. The smell of freshly brewed coffee resonated in the four corners of my room; its aroma is strong enough to make me forget my bed and all other excuses I have in mind to not move. Then I heard my mother calling my name… For a brief moment I felt relieved and overjoyed knowing that she is still with me and that I can still hear her sweet voice calling my name. I slowly opened my eyes and started feeling the world around me. I moved my head a little to feel that I am indeed alive and that everything that happened was merely an irreconcilable bad dream. Tears started flowing from my eyes again. I barely understood why, but the pain seems to have moved from my subconscious to my conscious thought. No wonder my pillow was wet, no wonder it was drenched in tears. I never thought that it’s possible to cry in your dream, but I just did and now that I’m awake; I still can’t stop crying…

 

 

 

I heard my mother’s voice again, this time commanding me to get up and get ready. Without an ounce of hesitation I jumped out of bed, wiped the tears that formed in my eyes, but failed to flow; then I checked myself in front of the mirror to make sure I don’t look like a mess before going out of my room. It wasn’t that difficult to mask my swollen eyes as I can easily say I just woke up just in case she’ll ask me if I’ve been crying all night long. I don’t want her to think that I am a mess because she’ll be greatly concerned and I would have to go through a series of probing questions again from her. I do not like that. I never lied to Mama. I cannot lie to her even if I want to because she just knows when I am lying and when I am telling the truth. I do not exactly know how she does it, but she’s my mother and I guess it’s some kind of a natural thing for them to find out if you are hiding something. They’re the best lie detectors I ever came across with…

 

 

 

As I stepped out of my room, the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee became stronger. I felt more alive than I used to a few minutes ago. I headed straight to the table and find to my surprise a breakfast prepared for me. It was cleanly laid out on the plate; 5 strips of bacon, a well done sunny side-up egg with a yolk resembling the bright yellow sun, and a specially made fried rice with bits of tuyo (dried herring) and loads of fried garlic on top of it. The coffee brewing in the corner is waiting to be poured on a cup, sweetened with muscovado sugar and thickened with a small serving of warm fresh milk. I liked how everything was in place; it felt like the old days again when I used to enjoy mornings like this. The order of things sky rocketed me back to the days when every morning was filled with love and understanding coming from someone who never grew tired of raising me. As I dabbed my fork to the soft and chewy bacon strip while my other hand with the spoon was busy trying to cut it to a bite size piece; my wife came out from the shower. Her hair was soaking wet and dripping on the floor. Her eyes beamed with excitement and her aura seemed to have filled the house with a momentous feat of joy that disregarded the strong aroma of the coffee brew. She immediately went behind me tip-toeing, nearly jumping with her happy feet as if she can’t hold her happiness anymore. She hugged me from behind, kissed my cheeks, and whispered to my ears that she loves me. I already know that as I can feel it everyday, but she has always been fond of reassuring me of how special I am to her. I never expected my mornings to be special again thinking about the years that gone by… I remember way back in our university days when we were just dating, she always shared special times with Mama. She made sure that she knew me in every inch of the way and she figured that she can only learn best from the woman who first loved me unconditionally. I saw their relationship flourish and together with it, ours… Mama has always been kind to people close to my heart. There was a time when she became over protective as well, but I understood her because she only wanted the best for me. There were times when we would disagree, quarrel, and fight over small things, but that was all to it. She was still my mother and I still loved her despite of our obvious differences…

 

 

 

The weather was cold, it was raining outside. Our little sala in our humble home was warm with all the cooking that has happened. Sarah is still hugging me from behind; I can feel it getting tighter and tighter as she nears to break the news to me. I asked her what’s wrong as if I was naive about the good news I am to hear. She asked me to close my eyes which I did, but I guess she really never trusted me with a surprise so she made sure I wasn’t peeking. She gently placed her hand in my eyes to cover it. She counted to 3 before she lifted her hand off and asked me to look at her surprise. More than anything else, I felt scared for a moment. I didn’t know how to exactly react or how to handle the situation and pull it off like a real man. I wanted my mother to be there. I suddenly thought of her; her smile, her voice, and the way she always encouraged me everytime I doubt myself…

 

 

 

My mornings with Mama have always been special. It was filled with warm servings of love and encouragement I needed for the day. There were never any mornings that constituted disappointments, heartbreaks, or problems. My Mama always made sure of that. I guess it was always her own simple way of telling me that the world will always be harsh, but never during mornings with her, but all good things must come to an end they say. For me and Mama, it came on one fateful unsuspecting morning…

 

 

 

I slowly opened my eyes and found a small piece of plastic strip in front of me. There were 2 small lines on it. Sarah hugged me tighter this time. She moved from behind towards me, sat in my lap and gave me a kiss. I stared at her unmoved still unbelieving the news that came. She congratulated me. I saw tears form in her eyes. I’ve never seen her so happy…

 

 

 

The saddest morning in my life came when I knew I was losing Mama. It felt like the world was coming to an end and there was nothing more I can do to change it. I was desperate to ease the pain; I didn’t know what to do anymore. Failure settled its cloud upon my head. Even my personal relationships failed; Sarah was not an exception, she just never gave up on me. I lost Mama 3 years ago, my life dramatically changed since then. That fateful morning came back today as a dream, but it also came with a promise that whatever happens, I will be okay… with Sarah and with our little angel who will see the world full of love and admiration… My mornings with Mama taught me a lot of things in life. Those simple moments I spent with her gave me a lot to look forward to such as this morning I am spending now with my lovely wife… I am forever grateful!

 

 

 

 

 

PS.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS AND SOON TO BE MOTHERS OUT THERE!

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