Hindi natin pag-uusapan ang karumal-dumal na street sign na pinakalat ng MMDA dito dahil unang-una sa lahat, masyado itong harsh at scary. Pangalawa, ito ay napaka hindi pinag-isipan. At pangatlo, walang sumusunod dito. Marahil marami na sa atin sa ngayon ang nakakapansin ng pagdami ng populasyon ng mga taong hindi naman babae, pero may boyfriend at mga taong hindi naman lalake, pero may girlfrend. Hindi ito bago, hindi ito nakakagulat, at mas lalong hindi ito JOKE dahil tanggapin mo man o hindi, WE EXIST! I mean, they EXIST kasi single pala ako tanggap ko man ito o hindi.
Love, ano nga ba ito?
Na in love ka na ba?
Ako, maraming beses na at maraming beses na rin akong nabigo dahil masyado kong pinipilit ang hindi puwede. Pero may hindi ba talaga puwede sa love? Noon, nung unang tumibok ang puso ko para sa isang tao, alam kong masasaktan ako at alam ko na nun na walang mangyayari dahil maliban sa lalake kaming pareho eh hindi ko pa rin nun alam kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman ko. I thought it was simply part of growing up being attracted to someone who has more than what I have. Yes, more than what I have. Dun nagsimula yun. Sa una, akala ko lang eh naiinggit ako sakanya, akala ko I wished I was like him or I wished that I had his life. Guwapo, cute, maputi, kilabot ng mga chiks, at simply irresistible. As the days go by, I began admiring him for who and what he is eventually, ang inggit ko ay naging isang form of idolatry, at habang lumilipas ang mga araw at habang mas nagiging malapit kami sa isa’t-isa, ito ay nag evolve at naging love. Pero hindi ko pa inaamin yun nun dahil nakakahiya. OH MY GOD, BAKLA AKO?!
Kunwari hindi ko alam.
That’s where my story started and that was officially my first time exploring the world unknown to me. When I was a kid, I would always hear my father and grandfather saying that they despise the third sex and that their bloodline doesn’t have any gay chromosome that would ruin the family’s reputation. SOBRANG MALI SILA! Wala sa dugo yan at mas lalong hindi yan kasalanan ng chromosomes dahil ang pagiging BAKLA ay ITINAKDA. It’s not even a choice people make or something that needs serious counseling because there’s simply nothing wrong with it. The only thing that makes it worst for us in the society is the twisted minds of people judging us simply because we do not conform to the norms. Ang unfair di ba? But again, it’s not really our burden to bear because if there is a love that truly exist in this world; it is the love we have for ourselves and the love we share with others despite the cruelty and the prejudices we encounter everyday.
KAPWA KO MAHAL KO.
I have encountered several people who are nice enough to understand. Whether they are simply being nice or they don’t care at all what you are as long as you are sincere and true to yourself, I don’t give a damn. Oo sabihin na nating mahirap na kung sa mahirap, pero little by little we are already accepted. We may not please everyone, but at least through our own efforts we are able to contribute something that will make this world a better place. When I was in highschool, I had a serious battle with my identity, but I have learned to accept it over time with the help of my friends. Honestly, my family doesn’t know about this yet or maybe they already have an idea, but it is not something we discuss over dinner table. Someday soon maybe we will have our chances, but for now, I am simply living my life to the fullest knowing that whatever I do, it will be for the greater good of the people I love, the people who believes in me, and the people who sees my worth in their lives.
I didn’t cross the line. It wasn’t a choice. It simply happened. Sexuality is very objective and oftentimes it is determined by who we fall in love with. It’s not about when we choose to cross or kung sa tagalog pa, kung kelan natin pipiliing tumawid, but more of when we allow ourselves to be fully happy knowing that we are truly grateful and blessed for having someone in our life who can make us smile and make the world a better place. It is us opening our eyes to reality and accepting things totally out of our control. It is freeing ourselves of judgment and allowing life to smoothly flow the way it should. There is nothing wrong in falling in love, but there will always be something wrong if we deprive ourselves of it.
KAYA GO LANG NG GO! MAGMAHAL KA HANGGA’T KAYA MO! HINDI NAKAMAMATAY ANG PAG-IBIG! KATANGAHAN ANG NAKAMAMATAY!